nightmare will begins, bye wonderland

sometimes I think is this a dream? am I dreaming? if I had a dream I wouldn't wake up. Every night every prayer I always ask for a beautiful dream. Currently nightmare will begins. Its just an expression of the life I live now. I am not a girl from a wealthy or rich family, or of a happy family but I am proud of my life even though I dont have anything to be proud of despite myself. Everyone think that I'm just a silly girl, never mind I dont care about that.

I often dreamed of meeting a handsome prince riding a white horse and he would change my life, give me happiness and live happily ever after like a fairy tale story, but it was just a dream, sometimes I feel jealous but I couldn't do anything. I can not blame the circumstances, I can only be grateful with what I had now, I know many others who are not as lucky as me.

One day, if your dad says: "I was not able to find the money for the cost of our lives, as the first child you had to replace". How do you feel? Confused!!! but I'm not spoiled girl, I'm strong, I'm not an ordinary girl, pain changed me, often disappointment. this makes me strong. but how was I giving spirit in me, I feel like fragile like this. Sometimes I need someone that push my spirit whether it's big brother, bestfriend, boyfriend or anything else.